Father’s Day 6-15-08                         

            Fatherhood-(wimps need not apply.) 

Happy Father’s Day everyone.  Today is an American tradition that many of us would be happy to over look.  Not me personally because I had Ward Cleaver for a dad.  I have nothing but happy memories of childhood, with dad in his white shirt and tie pouring coffee into his saucer to cool it off before he rushed off to work.  He would come home for lunch most days and on the weekends we would spend at our cabin up in the mountains.  My dad is a real nice fella and I was so lucky to be born into that family.  I realize though, not everyone was lucky enough to be born into the Cleaver family, and for many the memories they hold of their fathers are somewhat less than warm and fuzzy. Because of this many people have trouble even relating to God as the loving Father that He is, because they have no idea of what a loving Father looks like.  I think the worst memory I have of growing up with Dad was having to be quiet while he studied on Sat morning.  I’m sure I’ll be able to generate a lot of sympathy here.  There is probably a support group somewhere for people like me who were shushed when they were little.  I don’t mean to make light of the fact that many of you grew up in households with a father who was, well, let’s say not quite ideal. My heart goes out to you if you haven’t had a good relationship with your father, or had a father who was and an alcoholic, or womanizer, or maybe just not even around. Or maybe even worse than this would be to have a father who was there but acted like they didn’t like you and didn’t want you around. How we relate to our earthly fathers often translates into how we relate to our heavenly father.  So please don’t let a bad relationship with your earthly father jade how you view God.  We have a great dad in our heavenly father.   Scripture tells us our Father has compassion on his children.  A great dad is fair to his children.  A great dad takes time to train his children, teaching them the right from wrong.  A great dad will always be around.   Our Father does all this and more, a Father to the fatherless and a defender of widows and orphans.  And he loves each and every one of his children. Even if the man you grew up calling dad was less than perfect, we have a perfect heavenly Father who loves us.   

We fathers have a high standard set for us, and we all fall far short I’m afraid. We are going to make mistakes along the way. We can take comfort in the words of Bill Cosby, He says, “Whenever you feel bewildered and defeated take comfort in the fact that whatever you do in any fathering situation we have a 50% chance of being right.”  That would be batting 500. It would be an incredible average in baseball, so we need to quit being so hard on ourselves.  Do the best you can. 

Father’s day is never going to be the cash cow that Mother’s Day is for the greeting card companies and the florists.  Phone companies do pretty good though. Not in volume of calls but in all the collect calls that happen today. Probably kids calling home for money.  Susie gave me a license plate cover, it reads, “Money isn’t everything but it keeps the kids in touch.”  

Being a dad is tough job and like I mentioned with the title, wimps should not even apply. The stress can be overwhelming and sometimes we wonder does it even matter, it feels like such a thankless job.  Sometimes being a good dad is a thankless job, it is like peeing your pants in a dark suit. You get a nice warm feeling and nobody notices.  Add to that the stress some of us are under that have jobs that require about 7000 hour a week, and the guilt that accompanies the fact that we can’t spend as much time with our families as we would like.  The sacrifices many guys have to make who are powered by this guilt.  We give up hobbies that we love so as to not take more time away from the family.  Hobbies that maybe we really need to keep a zest for life and some sanity. 

            Then add to this the blurring of gender roles.  We have moms that work full time and the dads are left wondering, what is my role now? Who am I? TV really helps us figure this out too.  Sitcoms portray dads as bumbling idiots.  I spent years being offended by the Simpsons, and Raymond, but you wear down over time, and we shift our focus, but the bumbling idiot dads just keep coming until we start to think this must be normal.  

            Being a dad is not for wimps.  Dads are still looked at as the providers.  We feel a responsibility to create a feeling of security for our families.  In this economy where we are on the cusp of double digit inflation and an uncertain job market providing a sense of security can pose quite a juggling act. It’s stressful, and not suited for the faint of heart.   I am generalizing here but men are typically not good communicators. We feel bad but we don’t even know why.  It could be just the stress of the job.  If you are a dad you have some high expectations placed on you, and on top of this almost 40% of kids today don’t live with their biological fathers. How can we be good providers and positive role models when we only get our kids every other weekend and two weeks in the summer?  Take heart, if you have found yourself in this situation you can still be a source of great blessing to your children.  This is really why we are here.  We have been blessed to be a blessing.  Children are a blessing, it may not really show up as such until they are 30 but they are, and we are in turn to be a blessing to them. We are raising the next generation and we can’t leave this to the moms. There are certain things kids learn from their dads and if dads are missing the development will suffer.  Girls and boys, if they are to be well adjusted adults, need the influence of a dad.  Interesting study showed 70% of the men in prison don’t have a good relationship with their fathers.  This is huge. I might even go out on a limb here and say the fate of our nation is in the hands of the fathers.  If the men in America will step up to the plate we could turn the moral tide of this country 2 children at a time.  No pressure though. A lot of stress and responsibility comes with being a dad.  I read about a guy this week who proclaimed he was self made man, but then he went on to say he got the blueprint from his father.  Statistics say the relationship children have with their fathers play a huge role in how our kids turn out. 

            The $64 question for the day is how do we pass on the blessing to our children?  I’m going to come back to this at the end so be thinking of ways I might not mention.  We have been blessed to be a blessing.  How do we pass this blessing on to our kids? 

1^st)  You pass on a blessing to your kids when you love their mothers. I realize this may be shutting the gate after the horse is already out.  We have a Mt. Everest hurdle to overcome right off the bat.  How can I love the mother of my kids if we are already divorced, and can’t stand to even be in the same room with her?  Well to start with keep it to yourself.  There is no reason for the kids to know.  Remember that’s their mom you’re talking about.  They are children and they don’t need our adult garbage.  You can’t change yesterday but you can change tomorrow.  Use Cheryll’s rule, if you can’t say something nice, say nothing at all.  Please do your kids a favor and not use pick up and drop offs as a forum for arguing with you ex.  This is not going to help the kids.  Best case would be to love the mother of your kids, and if that can’t happen at least let the kids think you like her.  This is a basic command right from the pages of our bible.  Eph5:25 states, Husbands love your wives. This creates a stable environment for our children in which they can grow and thrive.  Pretty basic but oh so important. We can spend a lot of time talking about how we love our wives but Paul goes right on to explain, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  This is pretty intense, desiring what’s best for the other person kind of love.  Self sacrificing, which creates a stable environment for our kids to grow and thrive in. 

2^nd) way you can pass on a blessing to your kids is be affectionate.  Hug and kiss your kids. It a simple act that just shows you like them.  At one point the kids pull away don’t let them.  Girls and boys need dad’s affection.  Touch was a big part of passing on the blessing in Old Testament times.  If you have your bibles still open to the reading from Genesis back up just a little to verse 10 and we read of Israel blessing his grandchildren.   Gen. 48:10 Now Israel’s eyes were failing him because of old age and he could hardly see. So Joseph brought his sons close to him and his father kissed them and embraced them.  Ever been whiskered by your dad or your grandpa?  I remember this was a source of great fun as a kid.  Kind of like being tickled or nuggied. 

3^rd) Tell your kids.  Hugs and touch mean so much but our kids still need to hear we love them and we are proud of them.  The words I long to hear from my heavenly father are the same words our kids long to hear from us.  Anybody know what I am going to say?  Let’s say it together.  “Well done my good and faithful servant.”  Kids probably aren’t interested in the servant part but they crave to hear well done.  This is something you can even do if you are separated by thousands of miles.  Here are 5 heavenly words-acceptance, affection, appreciation, approval, and attention. 

4^th) way to pass on a blessing to your kids is to let them know we value them.  Let them know they are #3 in our lives, right after God and their mom. A strong 3^rd   position is way better than the 16^th place that so often is where kids feel like they fit in, right behind God, wife, work, hobbies, hunting, fishing, ball games, your truck, your rifle,  your bird dog, motorcycle, flat screen TV, computer games, outdoor magazine, newspaper, whatever you might be listening to  on the radio.  We need to let our kids know they are important by taking time to listen to them, take time to be involved in their lives, look them in the eye when you talk to them.  We may never be in a position to give great presents but we can give something more valuable, our time.  This is really what kids want, is for us to value them enough to want to spend time with them. 

5^th) way we can pass on a blessing was revealed in our scripture reading today, when we read how Jacob blessed Joseph, and Judah. He painted a bright future for them.  We can do this with our kids, when we help them to see a bright future. When you’re playing blocks on the floor when they are little.  What a great tower, you’re going to be a master builder and build great building some day.  Oh look how you smashed that great tower you’re going to be a great demolition guy someday.  We help shape our kids when we notice what they are good at and encourage them alone these lines. Sure lawyers make $300 dollars an hour but why encourage them to do that if they enjoy working with animals?  At camp I try to get the boys thinking about what they are good at and what they like to do.  What would they like to devote their life to?  Dads are in a great position to know, even if their kids don’t, which is the case with most teenagers. 

6^th) way we bless our kids is to actually get involved in their lives.  Pray for them, all of them, in-laws, grandchildren, stepchildren, and even those who look up to you as a positive male role model. Turn off Bob and Tom on your way to work and pray for your children.  Our children and friends are the only thing we can take to heaven with us.  I can’t imagine a world without them, let alone an eternity.   

  There is a great story about a father’s love from the Man in the Mirror. These 3 men went to Alaska Salmon fishing on their annual fishing trip and one man brought along his 12 year old son.  One of the men was a pilot so they rented a sea plane, like they always did, to fly to some great fishing spots.  They plane landed in the ocean near the mouth of a stream where the Salmon were running, and they had a great day fishing. They were having so much fun fishing in fact they lost track of time. When it came time to leave they had a little problem. The tide had gone out leaving the plane 30’ from the water. Tide changes in Alaska are huge, 20 feet or more.  No big deal, bush planes come with survival gear so they built a fire and had fresh salmon for dinner. Next day when the tide was back in they loaded up to fly home. Pilot gunned the engines but the plane just wouldn’t get off the water, then it went nose down and started to sink.  When the plane had gone aground it had ripped a hole in one of the pontoons and the force of the take off had filled it with water until it was too full to float and too heavy to fly. The plane just didn’t have enough power to take off with all that extra water weight.  They all survived the crash but they were a long way from shore.  The men were good enough swimmers to reach shore but the 12 year old boy wasn’t.  His dad stayed with him as the tide carried them both out to sea.  The thought of letting his son die alone and the thought of life without him was more than he could bear.  So he stayed with him and they died together.  Being a father is not for wimps. 

  Let me close with a Ps 127:3-5.